The OC: The Anger Management (episode 7)

Previously on the OC--
Ryan beats the surfer dude! Kirsten throws a party with Julie’s help, but it’s a scam put together with Charlotte. Taylor T. locks Summer out of the lockout.

Seth, Summer, Ryan, Marrisa. nondescrept diner, talking about some hipster movie Seth likes. Surfer dude—his name’s Volchok—comes in and wants a rematch with our Chino boy. How he tracked Ryan down, we’ll never know, but more funny is that Ryan is zen and says “I don’t want trouble” and “I have nothing against you.” Marissa whines, “Volchok, you started it!” and Seth agrees. After getting a death glance from the surfer guy, Seth’s answer turns from “you started it” to “it's all unnecessary continuity.” Volchok The Angry Surfer leaves, but he still has a mad-on for Ryan.

It’s Sandy’s first day at the New Newport Group, while Kirsten is still organizing the rehab ball. There’s a nice bit of continuity when Kirsten debates whether or not to have booze at a rehab party. Kirsten decides on “yes” since the drunk donate more than the sober.

Ryan won’t fight Volchok The Angry Surfer, stating “Kid Chino has retired his hoodie.” Taylor wants Seth to help plan the Christmas party, but he tries to push Summer into helping her instead. Taylor gets annoyed and walks away when Summer shows up. Summer believes that Taylor has a thing for Seth.

Charlotte and Julie plan the party, but Julie starts having second thoughts of scamming everyone. Charlotte reassures Julie that they’ll make tons of cash and nobody will get hurt. This plan makes no sense. Won’t everyone know Julie was involved anyway? They’ll hate her even more. At this point she should just move to Portland with Luke and start over again.

Taylor latches onto Ryan at school to get the dirt on Summer and Seth’s relationship. Is it stable? Ryan says they are strong. On a scale of 1 to 10, they’re a 10. or maybe a 9? This gives Taylor hope she can split them up.

Newport Group: the company that wouldn’t die. Intros all around. After doing the books, new boy wonder Matt tells Sandy the bad news: they need to fire 9 people!

Ryan affirms Summer’s suspicion that Taylor likes Seth. Seth says “Ugh. Not only is she psycho, but she’s Dean Hess’ sloppy seconds.” On their way to the parking lot, Volchok The Angry Surfer & the gang interrupt Ryan. Actually, they’re having lunch on the top of Sandy’s range rover. I always thought surfer guys were supposed to be mellow?!?! Anyway Volchok The Angry Surfer tries to get Ryan riled up enough to fight by pouring juice on the hood of the rover. When that doesn’t work, he takes a key and scratches in the door the words “little bitch.” Shouldn’t it read “Li’l Bitch?” it’s cuter! Ryan shocks everyone by walking away! Wow, he is a little bitch!

Marissa hears the story and goes over to the pool house to see if Ryan is ok. But Ryan is fine, and shows Marissa his punching bag. Ooh Ryan, you nasty! No, actually it’s a real punching bag. It helps him get his anger out constructively.

Taylor goes over to Seth’s room to talk. Due to the complaints of last season, Taylor mentions that “your mom let me in.” See, now was that so hard? Taylor sits down. “I heard you and Summer are breaking up!” Seth is shocked. “Really?”
“No, I made it up. But how did you feel when you heard that? Relief?” but Seth doesn’t fall for it. The only season he loves is Summer! Speak of the devil, Summer calls and while he is on the phone, stuffs Captain Oats into her bag! She says a quick goodbye to Seth then runs out the door. Summer conveniently hears this and asks who the voice is. “Uh, I’m listening to ‘This American Life.’” Summer rolls her eyes. “Is that the show where all those hipster know-it-alls get together and talk about how fascinating ordinary people are? Omigod.”

Newport Group. Sandy manages to save four jobs at the N-Group by eliminating all the perks, 30 percent of his salary, and Seth’s college fund. I honestly wonder how the Cohens have the money for ANYTHING on this show. Kirsten’s dad went bankrupt and had no money, she quit the Newport Group when it folded the first time, and Sandy had his own unsuccessful law practice.

Through complicated means, Taylor lets Summer know that she borrowed Captain Oats from Seth while she was “in his room.” Summer realizes Taylor was the NPR voice, gets mad and slaps Seth for lying to her AND letting that skank borrow Captain Oats. So that’s when Seth realizes what a bitch Summer is and how Taylor is much, much better. He even kisses Taylor passionately. That wouldn't make sense to you either, would it? Well, neither does Taylor’s plan, so we’re even.

Kirsten and Sandy are enjoying Sunday afternoon until Sandy gets a call from Matt, boy wonder of the Newport Group. Turns out he fired 4 people that morning! Sandy is pissed until he tells Sandy that he’d rather be the bad guy since the others didn’t know him anyway and Sandy could cushion the blow. See, all 26 year old CFO’s aren’t bad guys!

Marissa is afraid Volchok The Angry Surfer will goad Ryan into fighting, so she offers him a $4,000 diamond watch (obviously bought during better times) to stay away. He asks her what he wants with it and she retorts “you can fence it.” Nice to know that Marissa believes that everyone who doesn’t live in Newport knows where to fence merchandise.

Sandy has a heart to heart with Ryan over the “little bitch” on his range rover and Volchok The Angry Surfer. They come up with a plan.

Finally, we get back to the rehab ball. Seth, Ryan, Johnny, Marissa, Summer, and Seth help set up for the party. Seth is still in the doghouse. Ryan and Johnny set up tables and bond. Johnny feels bad for getting Ryan involved in the fight. Ryan tells him not to worry about it, and says “It seems like I get into a fight every week.”

Julie has second thoughts about the charity scam, but Charlotte shuts her up by telling Julie she’ll call the police THEN skip town! Julie’s forced into it. It’s laid on super thick when Kirsten talks to Julie later about being “the best of friends…” and “…if dad could see us now…” and “…you’re not a gold digging whore…” so you KNOW Julie isn’t going through with the scam.

Taylor and her mom are at the rehab ball. Taylor gives Seth a present, in which Mother Townsend embarrasses Taylor even more. Taylor cries. Seth suddenly realizes that Taylor is just a lonely girl who doesn’t know how to relate to anyone. In short, she’s just like he was before Ryan got to town! Seth gives Taylor a pep talk and she feels better. Then he punches out Mother Townsend. No, he didn’t. But if he’s Taylor’s Ryan it would make sense.

Time to wrap this all up. Volchok The Angry Surfer kidnaps Marissa. Julie outmaneuvers Charlotte by making sure the rehab ball’s donations are donated to a national organization and not their private one. Julie also calls Charlotte’s bluff about calling the police. So Charlotte skips town with nothing but a kiss on the cheek from Julie. After all those months of manipulating Kirsten at the expensive rehab center, living in Newport, renting a beachside condo, running a fake charity…there’s got to be an easier way to scam people! I think mail fraud is easier.

Summer and Seth make up.

Ryan rescues Marissa by threatening Volchok The Angry Surfer for real with a broken bottle. To be fair, he throws Volchok The Angry Surfer a wooden plank so they can really get down. Volchok The Angry Surfer realizes that he hasn’t gotten mixed up with an OC prep boy, but with Chino McCrazy. So he takes off. Marissa is saved. Marissa and Ryan make out in the pool house. When she leaves, Ryan beats the hell out of his punching bag. Metaphor, anyone?

Next week: Where is everyone going to College? If you answered UC-OC, you may be wrong.