The OC: The Perfect Storm (episode 5)

November 3

Previously on the OC (I don’t even remember when it was on last time). Marissa is still in public school with parallel universe versions of Seth, Ryan, and Summer. Ryan just punched someone out again. The stupid Dean of Discipline is still after Ryan even though he doesn’t go to school there anymore. Summer was deposed from her perch of social chair. And the dean may be having sex with Summer’s arch nemesis Taylor Townsend.

The show starts out with Kirsten cooking fancy dinner. I think she learned how to cook in rehab. It’s all French nouveau cuisine. But of course Sandy and the kids only want a shmear and a bagel. Sandy gets a call from Dr. Kim at the Harbor School, Sandy and Kirsten want to know if Ryan can attend College Fair '05. It turns out to be okay since it’s a public event, but it turns out the D of D has a mad-on for Ryan, saying he’s “pathological” in his anger management problems, and promises to put a red flag on his college applications so no decent college will want him. Like we don't know that he's going to the newly-opened-just-in-time-for-next-fall UC-Orange County with Seth, Summer, and Marissa.

Julie calls Marissa and makes nice with her. Marissa is living with Summer for the time being. Julie’s wearing a floppy had and sitting near a pool at chichi resort—until a cop bumps into her and he drags an unsavory guy by the ears and mutters a polite “excuse me.” We realize Julie is still at a dirty motel, poolside. The pool is dirty with leaves all in it. So depressing for the mighty Julie Cooper-Nichol.

Ryan goes to have lunch with Marissa and friends at public school and bonds with Johnny, the bizarro version of himself. Johnny forgives Ryan for last week's near-punching of his face and says, “You see your girl talking to some guy you don't know? It could happen to anyone.” But he gets some points once he starts out telling them that he’s home schooled, not because he’s a hippie or a religious nut, but by punching out the dean and getting expelled.

Summer sees TaylorTownsend in the hall texting someone with her brand new Sidekick text messenger ™. She’s convinced TaylorTownsend is having an affair with the D of D, so she lets it drop to the double-T that she saw D of D kissing the volleyball coach behind the bleachers. TaylorTownsend gets pissed and accuses her of lying. Bing-o! Nice to know high school girls still can be brought down by jealousy over a teacher they’re having sex with.

Ryan goes to College Fest ‘05 and says, “I feel like a fugitive.” Sandy and Kirsten are all, “ You deserve to be here as much as anyone else.” I really feel sorry for rich white guys who punch out their deans and worry about belonging. It would be much more interesting seeing Ryan wrestle with going to college if Ryan wasn’t 30 YEARS OLD!

Summer tries to get Marissa to go to the college fair, but she won’t budge. So she takes Seth. “College is all about brand recognition,” Summer says. After some cute banter they spy TaylorTownsend bitching out the D of D outside. Summer thinks they are arguing over their relationship, but Seth thinks they’re just talking over TaylorTownsend’s chances of “Cornell over Dartmouth” so Summer flounces outside to get evidence.

Later, D of D sees Ryan chatting up a UC of his choice, so he snarls and tries to get Ryan thrown out of the school. Sandy cock blocks him, but the mean dean still says he’s going to put a note in his file to prevent any college from touching him. I guess punching out a dean wasn’t the smartest thing in the world, Ryan! It's obvious the Dean needs something else to do since he has no one to discipline at Harbor besides an expelled student.

In the morning, Seth goes into the pool house and Ryan is gone. They start playing the “Ryan is missing” music and Seth looks wistfully at the rumpled covers... and then Ryan rounds the corner. “Hey, I thought you were leaving town!” Seth says. Ryan says no, but he is finally doing something constructive: he’s quitting school! Well, not quitting school since he got kicked out, but…you know what I mean.

Julie tries to buy a new condo, but Kirsten’s shady new friend Charlotte beats her to it. Julie can’t cut a break.

Sandy finds out Ryan quit school. Marissa finds out too and talks about it at public school. Her friend at Johnny tracks him to the Bait Shop and convinces him to join a commercial fishing boat that his uncle owns.

Ryan goes back to the house at dinner and tells Sandy that he’s joining the boat, but needs him to sign a parental agreement. Kirsten freaks out, Sandy goes ballistic. Ryan goes on and on about “I tried things your way and they didn’t work! What am I supposed to do?!” and Sandy replies, “You keep trying!” Obviously he can’t get through to Ryan so he gives up.

Sandy signs the paperwork. Ryan cuts his meat.

Kirsten is upset, but Sandy replies, “We can’t stop Ryan from making a decision.” Sandy is convinced he’ll come around.

Back at the boat, Ryan gives the paperwork to the fisherman captain. He tells Ryan they ship out for 3 weeks, starting tomorrow.

Summer and Seth are scheming to find out the truth about TaylorTownsend so they buy a brand new Sidekick text messenger ™ to text her a fake message from D of D with a meeting place—the infamous Mermaid Motel. Summer gasps, “the same place where Ryan may or may not have conceived Teresa’s baby, or the place where Marissa’s mom and Luke got it on?” Seth nods, “Yep, Newport’s very own den of sin.” Marissa responds, “Ew. But I like it.” And Seth says, “and if we have some free time…”

Julie’s back at the fleabag hotel when Kirsten’s friend Charlotte up and gives Julie the condo! But before that she was in the car, saying to her skeezy boyfriend that Julie is at her most desperate and has all the right connections. This can’t end well.

Ryan’s farewell dinner. Kirsten cooks homemade Thai food. But it isn’t very festive. Marissa can’t take it anymore and jumps up and runs away. Ryan follows her. “I don’t want to leave things this way.” “Well, don’t leave!” she wails.

Ryan starts packing up 3 weeks worth of wifebeaters and hoodies. Sandy takes one last stab at getting him to stay. But Ryan replies, “Lost at sea, lost at land, what’s the difference?” He’s beaten the Sandy Cohen mind trick!

The boat. Amidst all the gnarly, low class riff raff fishermen Marissa strides up. Just as you think she’s going to get all mushy, she lays into Ryan! She resents Ryan so much because her dad did the exact same thing…twice! “Running away never helped my dad!” then she flounces out, leaving Ryan dumbfounded.

Mermaid Motel. TaylorTownsend pulls up and knocks on the door. Summer and Seth answer it. Busted!
“Hey skank! Expecting someone taller, tanner, with a pageboy haircut?”

They threaten to tell everyone about the dean’s and TaylorTownsend’s little sex-capades (get it?) if they don’t lift Ryan’s suspension from Harbor.

But Taylor doesn’t budge! They can’t prove anything, no evidence. But Summer whips out her Sidekick text messenger ™ and smugly activates it, saying she has a big mouth and an even bigger buddy list! “Should we tell Sandy, or are you willing to roll the dice with your little squeaky clean reputation?”

Sandy now has some ammunition to go to D of D. Whipping out his own Sidekick text messenger ™, pausing to say it surfs the web and sends pictures, he says he’s got pics of dean-o and double-T kissing at the dance. Dean falls for it! After a halfhearted attempt at defense (she’s an aggressive girl, she loves discipline, etc.) he caves into the demands—Ryan gets the scarlet note expunged from his record (no junior college for this boy from Chino!), Ryan gets to go back to Harbor, and last but not least, heeds Sandy’s advice and plans to “get on craigslist and find a job on the east coast!”

Marissa sits alone at the bait shop, eating (!) and is sad. Seth and Marissa burst in and give her the good news. Their scheme actually worked! But Ryan’s already out to sea…or is he? He busts in too...he couldn’t leave after that tongue-lashing by Marissa! All is well as the foursome walk down the beach and laugh. Methinks there’s a new Dean of Discipline in the OC!

Next week: Marissa gets close to Johnny. He’s just like Ryan…without all the broodyness and punching! And I need to buy a Sidekick text messenger ™