Worst 10 TV Shows of 2006

What's a best list without a worst list? With every 1 great show, there are at least 100 bad ones. I'm only going to focus on 10 shows that I've hated to watch, or hated that they were even on the air in the first place.

10. Deal Or No Deal Howie Mandel hosts a show that requires no skill, no strategy, and no thought whatsoever. All it has is really annoying contestants screaming, ripoff "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" lights, and a catchphrase "Deal Or No Deal!!!" shouted at the top of his lungs. I really don't understand how anyone can watch a show totally based on chance. I should create a show based on the lottery and have people pick random numbers and a huge ball drops out the numbers to see if they win. I'll just make sure a hot chick drops the numbers.

9. Six Degrees Everyone on this show is related to each other in some way, whether it be a chauffeur drives around a lawyer who is defending a woman who knows the chauffeur's brother and is a nanny to the lawyer's friend...it sounds interesting, but since it feels like "Felicity" but with adults, it sort of doesn't work. I don't believe adults have this much time to whine about relationships. Which brings me to...

8. Brothers and Sisters It's like thirtysomething with actors you've seen before! And some actors from thirtysomething! Sally Field is in it, which means we're in for constant crying and emotional scenes. I've never seen so many overwrought rich white people complain about so much on television...without it being campy.

7. Men In Trees Ally McBeal in Alaska, basically. The character tries to be cutesy-quirky but ends up patronizing and over-the-top irritating. It's like she's living in a snow globe where everything is just so "quaint, but rustic." I know women are supposed to like this, but the women I know would be sorry to know that to land a man you should move to Alaska and be afraid of raccoons and birds and act helpless.

6. Charmed I have always HATED this show, I watch it sometimes because I hate it so much. The range of acting is sarcastic, bordering on bitchy. And I can't take Alyssa Milano seriously, ever. And whose acting gets worse after Melrose Place? Though I bet Rose McGowan could power a small village if they could harness her eye-rolls into a power source.

5. 20 Good Years "I AM JOHN LITHGOW AND I AM ACT-ING!" This show is so embarrassing it's sad. Two old guys trying to relive their glory years. It makes me so sad.

4. Grey's Anatomy McDreamy, McSteamy, McMeany...This show makes me McSick to my McStomach and I could McHeave. I'm glad I moved from Seattle because I would be scared to hurt myself in fear of being treated by these self-centered doctors. Though I bet if I had to use the bathroom at Seattle Grace I would run into doctors having sex in the stall next to me. The show itself is definitely emotionally draining, plus the adding of the indie music for interludes must go. Meredith must go.

3. The View Rosie O'Donnell is a braying idiot, but she is entertaining. I just wish they had someone with some news experience on that show. Barbara isn't there very much, so the remaining women ride on their uneducated opinions. I've turned on this show to get my fill of muddled yammering over each other. Who would have thought Joy Behar would be the sane one on the show?

2. teachers. I believe I'm the only one who saw this show, and for good reason. I honestly don't know how anyone thought this show was funny, amusing, or had good characters. The lead guy was the retarded brother in "Gigli" which should have been a reason NOT to cast him. But this show seemed to be one of those "Sum of it's parts" shows, meaning the individual characters should be funny + school makes funny + cute star + cute girl love interest= funny sitcom! But the problem is they forgot the chemistry between the characters!

1. The Rachael Ray Show Anyone who uses the phrase "yum-o" must die. And what's with EVOO? Is it such a pain to say "Extra Virgin Olive Oil?" You're saving what, one second? Yeah, that'll make me cook faster. Rachael Ray is so perky and obnoxious I feel like she's a little too familiar with the audience. I thought about joining the "I Hate Rachael Ray" fan club, but that would require me keeping tabs on her whereabouts, and I would rather just avoid her altogether.

My Top 10 TV Shows of 2006

Everybody is doing top 10 lists for 2K6, so why should I be any different? Sure I'm not famous nor do I have a mass blog following. But I love TV as much as the next guy, so why shouldn't I have an opinion, hot dammit!

10. Heroes: A cross between "The X-Men" and "X-Files" with a little "Lost" mixed in. I love that the people with powers come from all walks of life: The telepathic cop, the single mom with the deadly split personality, and the nerdy Japanese guy who can manipulate time--they all are people you could meet on the street! And Adrian Pasdar as the shady politician who can fly is actually more interesting without his powers. The downside is they are introducing so many super people it's becoming somewhat crowded in the "Heroes" world. But I do want to know what significance the indestructible cheerleader has to do with everything.

9. Ugly Betty: The best part of this show is that Betty is very charming and sympatheic without being over-the-top. She is definitely intelligent and lets people know she is. The show itself is supposed to be campy and not to be taken seriously, but there are so many interesting side stories it definitely keeps your attention. And I'm enjoying Vanessa Williams as a power grabbing imperious executive.

8. The OC: All right, sue me! I love the OC this year. It's like season 1 OC all over again. Once Marissa was killed at the end of season 3, I thought maybe they should have just cancelled the darn thing. But I was ready to reserve judgment and see if the show could recover. It recovered all right--and then some! I never realized Marissa was such a drain to all the characters. They've paired Ryan with Taylor Townsend, the gang's frenemy from last season and--who knew?--she's a great match for him! I never thought Ryan had a sense of fun or humor, but he has both. We get to see Taylor's human side as well...I do admire the OC writing, since they did the same thing with Summer by making her into a three-dimensional character. The writing is much stronger and the characters are more true to themselves. They added Mariss' sis Kaitlin, who does much better when paired with people her own age (though I don't like Luke's annoying twin brothers). However, I think they still don't know what to do with Kirsten, who hangs out at NewMatch and says, "Where's Ryan" before looking concerned. I guess I'd rather her have no storyline at all instead of the horrible one from last season with Jeri Ryan, the con-artist from rehab. It's a shame the ratings are in the toilet for this show, and it will be it's last season I bet. But hopefully we will get some closure.


7. Doctor Who: After about 15-odd years off the air, the BBC brought back my favorite cheesefest science fiction show from the grave. And it's definitely an improvement! Succinct storylines, decent special effects, and great acting all around make this show a keeper. Best story of the year was the reintroduction of the Daleks. As a kid, I never thought they were very scary. Once the doctor defeated one by putting a hat over the Dalek's eye so he couldn't shoot him! This time, one new Dalek killed a platoon of men and escaped a bunker. And there was no doubt that the Dalek was boss. Since the new series started over, the Doctor has regenerated once already and he lost his recent companion (trapped on a parallel earth) but the stories have been so good I don't mind a little change now and then.

6. 30 Rock: My friend Kelly says he can gauge if he wants to be friends with somebody based on if they think "30 Rock" is funny. I totally agree with him. Tina Fey created this show, and if she can write "Mean Girls" she can write anything funny. Tracy Morgan is hilarious as a Bobby Brown/Martin Lawrence-type movie star, Alec Baldwin as a stiff, annoying network exec, and Tina Fey is Liz Lemon, the head writer. So much funny stuff happens in each episode it's hard to describe. Sure, some of the episodes are uneven, but when they're on their game, it's awesome. My only gripe is with Jane Krakowski who is Liz' best friend. She and Liz don't have much friend chemistry, and it looks like she's trying too hard. I wish they kept Rachel Dratch, who was my favorite SNL'er next to Amy Poehler.

5. The Wire: I've never watched it, but critics everywhere say it's a phenomenal show.

4. The New Adventures of Old Christine: I started watching this because Julia Louis-Dreyfus is in it, I'm not normally into shows about mom/divorcees jumping back into the singles scene But I actually enjoy the show much more this season. They've played up Christine's neuroses, they've made her kid more lunkheaded and less cutesy, and they've added Wanda Sykes to the cast. They are hitting the right notes. Just more of the mean mommies would be nice.

3. Commander-In-Chief: Sure, this was cancelled, but prematurely! Geena Davis as the first woman president was working so well...until ABC changed EP's and the focus of the show. It was said that internal tampering finally killed it. What sold the show for me was Geena Davis came across incredibly believable, plus her staff members (esp. her Chief Of Staff) were well cast. The problems I had were: 1) the husband "I'm an adviser to my wife because I'm upset with not being involved!" then "No! I'm not anymore and that is totally ok!" instead of seeing him struggle with being the First Husband, and 2) Adding Zach from "Saved By The Bell" as a campaign manager felt so calculated it was like "Let's add a character to stir up trouble." Besides, she was barely in the White House, why would we want to watch her campaign for a second term so soon?

2. ER: Total guilty pleasure. I've been watching since season 2, and it's turned into comfort food TV. How many times can the ER be blown up, shot up, car crashes into it, Santa Claus visits, sex in the on-call room can you have in 12 years? A lot! Plus they've added John Stamos from "Full House" to add an older doctor to the mix and to sex up Neela. They've coupled up Doctor Kovac with Abby again and now they have a kid together. I openly hate Luka, but Abby is my favorite character. And any show where I can watch it every week after 12 seasons must have something going for it.

1. 24: Best. show. on. TV. Bar none. Hands down. After being presumed dead last season, Jack is brought back to the fray to help find out who killed President Palmer. Lots of casualties along the way this year, including Tony, Michelle, and Edgar. But Audrey, who was Jack's wishy-washy spineless girlfriend last season totally grew a spine and gave as well as she got. Plus, the President and his shady agenda? His insane wife? So much packed into a day's work. And Jack's intensity never goes away. He's the only character on TV who screams "I will kill you" and you totally believe him. As my friend's talking dictionary used to say, "Jack Bauer is a pimp, and we are his bitches."

A Change is in the Air

Now that I'm done commenting on season 3 of the OC, it's time to announce a change to this blog. I'm going to do more commentating on television shows, and less synopses of shows. I will try to recap some shows, but it will be more of my ruminations of these shows.
Though the fall season started about a month ago, it's not too late to start talking about what I thought of these shows before they get cancelled. I'm such a fan of network tv, I'm going to mention what looked good back over the summer and what I've watched so far. Hell, I'll even mention the shows I haven't watched and why!

ABC

Knights Of Prosperity: Donal Logue ("ER," "Grounded For Life") wants to rob a celebrity's house. He and his pals decide on Mick Jagger. I think it's a funny idea, but can they sustain this for a whole 22 episodes, or for that matter, 6 seasons?

Prognosis: never aired. Will it go the way of "Freakylinks" and "Rewind?"

Help Me Help You: A comedy with Ted Danson ("Becker," "Cheers") therapist who helps a motley crew of patients. Sounds like Frasier and Bob Newhart rolled into one.

Prognosis: sounds promising, good cast. I guess it depends.

The Nine: drama. Nine people are held hostage in a bank for 52 hours. They start out strangers, but end up becoming close because of the trauma involved. Really good show, I've been watching it every week. Everyone on the show is different (doctor, lawyer, run of the mill regular guy) but it's a diverse cast. They give you hints as to what happened during the standoff at the bank, but don't spell it out for you. We see the aftermath and them getting back to their lives. I like the quiet moments, and how everyone has changed for the better or worse after everything that's happened. Plus, there are some revelations made that look like one of the nine hostages was involved in the initial robbery. But who?

Prognosis: I heard the ratings were bad, but I will stick around. I hope we at least get to see what they went through at the bank.

Ugly Betty: Based on a telenovela from South America. It's about an "ugly" girl from the Bronx working at a high-fashion magazine. Betty is hired because she's the only girl her boss won't sleep with. It's pretty hilarious, it's a nice slice-of-life show with some real moments. Plus it's campy at the same time. Vanessa Williams is in it, and Eric Mabius (go SLC class of '96!).
Prognosis: Great. ABC moved this from Friday nights to Thursdays. It's already doing well.

Six Degrees: Six strangers in NYC aren't really strangers, they are all connected somehow. We get to see how and why.

Prognosis: I really hope they cancel this show. It's about a bunch of whiny New Yorkers. Wait, they did cancel it! Yay!

Men In Trees: Anne Heche is a neurotic New Yorker who gets stranded in Elmo, Alaska and meets a lot of quirky characters, including a sexy rugged guy. It's northern exposure meets Sex And The City! It's called Men in Trees because in Alaska, apparently, the ratio of men-to-women is 10 to 1. So many men that they are in trees! Ho ho ho! I wonder what the ratio is between men and whiny New Yorkers? And how many shows do we need with whiny New Yorkers?

prognosis: I hate this show. But I think ladies at home on Friday nights may like watching this.

Brothers & Sisters: Sally Field, Calista Flockhart, Rachel Griffiths, Patricia Wettig all star in this show about really unhappy rich white people who hate their cushy lives for some reason. It's very overwrought, with affairs being had, couples being miserable, gay people being condescending...it's got it all!

Prognosis: Could catch on, feels like those aging hippies who watched thirtysomething will watch this. Give it one season at least.



NBC

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: with Matthew Perry. It's supposed to be loosely based on behind the scenes action of a hit sketch comedy series, written by Aaron Sorkin, the West Wing creator. It seems like it will be great, I saw the first ten minutes on youtube.com and it gave me chills. I saw the second and third episode. So far so good, but it does seem a bit talky and you really have to pay attention to it.

Prognosis: one season, then out.

30 Rock: Tina Fey ("SNL") is the head writer on a show for NBC called "The Girly Show." But Alec Baldwin joins the NBC family and retools the show, adding Tracy Morgan (on a Bobby Brown-I'm crazy-riff) to the cast, much to the chagrin of TGS' star, Jane Krakowski (Ally McBeal).

Prognosis: I love this show! I hope it stays on. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin are hilarious. They need to get rid of Jane Krakowski, she tends to bring the show down.

Heroes: Ali Larter (from "Final Destination") and Adrian Pasdar (from "Profit", baby!). It's about people with super powers who are destined to save New York from a disaster. It sounds really great, and I am a sucker for super heroes stories. I like the slant that they don't know about their powers, and their powers seem pretty unique. Plus, no code names OR super suits. I like the mysterious aspect of it, and I do like to tune in every week to find out what's going to happen next.

Prognosis: a keeper. I heard it was doing well in the ratings.

Friday Night Lights: just like the movie and the book. High School Football in Texas, where it really matters to everyone in the town. My friend Kelly likes this show. I haven't watched it yet, but it's getting clobbered in the ratings (it's on opposite "Dancing With The Stars") but NBC moved it to Mondays, and it did much better. Maybe it'll receive a reprieve.

Prognosis: maybe 13 episodes.

Kidnapped: Dana Delany ("China Beach") has a millionaire husband and three kids. One kid is kidnapped, and they use any means necessary to get this kid back. Even hiring an ex-FBI agent to track him down. It is supposed to be a serialized show that you have to watch every week to know what's going on. I haven't watched it, and the promos looked run-of-the mill.

Prognosis: I think it's been cancelled already, but I could have predicted that one.

Twenty Good Years: John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor play old guys who want to spend the last 20 years of their life having fun, which means playing two-on-two basketball with some black athletes or dating women half their age. The promos looked so awful I've steered clear.

Prognosis: I heard a term called "second-hand embarrassment" which is what I feel when I watch this show. It needs to be put out of its misery because I'm embarrassed looking at it.

The CW

Runaway: Donnie Wahlberg ("New Kids on the Block") and his family go on the lam after he is accused of a murder he didn't commit. It sounded interesting, but it's on the new CW. I was watching "Heroes" and I forgot it was on. A week later, they moved it to Sundays. A week after that, they cancelled it. Never checked it out. Oh well, sorry Donnie Wahlberg, I'm sure it was good.

Prognosis: never seen again.

The Game: One of the girls from "Sister Sister" is in a relationship with a pro football player. So she makes some friends in the same situation. Oh, this is a comedy. It's a spinoff of "Girlfriends." Go figure!

Prognosis: it'll do well with the other shows on this comedy block.

CBS

The Class: Jason Ritter (John Ritter's son) and a group of classmates from his third grade class become reacquainted. Watched the pilot. Boring! I hated everyone in his class. Nobody is funny, the jokes seemed forced, and every single person is a cookie cutter caricature. But yet, there isn't the obligatory black person! Now, that ain't right.

Prognosis: one season, then gone

Jericho: Skeet Ulrich (Scream) moves back to his home town of Jericho, Kansas right before they are cut off from civilization due to some kind of attack on the United States.

Prognosis: I thought it sounded terrible and it would be cancelled by now. But people seem to like it, and it's still on. It proves I don't know what people like.


Smith: Ray Liotta, Simon Baker, Virginia Madsen, Amy Smart, Shohreh Aghdashloo (big names!) in a interesting show. They are all professional thieves and bad guys who work for Ray Liotta's character. I never saw the show, it has already been cancelled!

Prognosis: off the air already.

Shark: Look, it's "House" with Lawyers! James Woods becomes a prosecutor after his wife is killed by a man he defended. Also included: Jeri Ryan. He's a real bastard...but he's a bastard that gets results.

Prognosis: not another lawyer show! At least it looks different than the other procedurals. Give it a year, then we'll evaluate.


FOX

Vanished: with Ming-Na (ER, Inconceivable). A senator's wife disappears, and there's a conspiracy theory behind where she is and why she up and disappeared. I think this show is on hiatus already. I think people aren't interested in watching a show all year long unless it's got a hook immediately. And so far, no good.

Prognosis: il penso negativo

Standoff: Ron Livingston (Office Space) is a hostage negotiator who is sleeping with his partner. It's got some levity, apparently.

Prognosis: I don't think it's on anymore. But Ally McBeal meets cops procedural? I don't be thinking so.

Justice: A crack team of lawyers use a lot of cutting edge technology to try cases. Like CSI meets the practice. With Victor Garber (Syd's dad from Alias). I've only watched five minutes of this one. It looked okay, but I couldn't commit to yet another hourlong tv show.

Prognosis: different, interesting. I would give it a shot of more than one season.

Til Death: Brad Garrett (Everybody Loves Raymond) has been married forever, and his next door neighbors are newlyweds. Cue the hijinks!

Prognosis: mmmaybe. I don't like it, but it may be good for some people who are trapped in loveless marriages or think loveless marriages are funny.

Happy Hour: Henry moves in with a neighbor Larry so he can see what his ex-girlfriend is doing. I never actually watched this show all the way through. It felt horrible. But I wanted it to succeed, because I knew some of the extras on this set.

Prognosis: negative, if it hasn't been cancelled already.

So, these are my picks:

First show cancelled:
Happy Hour

Shows that don't survive the year:
The Class
Runaway
Vanished
The Knights Of Prosperity
Help Me Help You
Standoff
Six Degrees
Kidnapped
Twenty Good Years
Jericho

Shows To Last 1 year only:
Smith
'Til Death
Shark
Brothers & Sisters
Friday Night Lights
The Nine
Men In Trees
30 Rock
Justice

Shows to make it to next fall:
Studio 60
Heroes
The Game
Ugly Betty

Episodes 23-25 (Including Season 3 Finale)

Yes, I was away for six months. So I’ve had a life. Sue me, why don’t ya?

Well, the OC is about to start up again, so I guess I should recap the last five episodes of the season. But I don’t remember what happened, so I will give you the cliff’s notes version of what happened, with the help of some sites online and my aging memory. I’m only doing this to finish what I started. My friend Dara actually came back to the states so I’m off the hook with these recaps. But as I said before, I have to complete this or else.

The Party Favor (episode 23)
The boys want to go to the prom, but they have no dates. Marissa is still skanking out with Volchok, and Summer won’t talk to Seth. Seth even tries to finagle a breakfast date out of her to apologize, but it doesn’t work. Taylor sets Summer up with her friend Sung Ho’s cousin, who is a model and pop star or something in Asia. She describes the cousin, as “hairless” which I guess is a plus for Summer. Seeing is how most high school boys are incredibly hairy. Summer decides to get back at Seth by hiding the napkin- confessional that he wrote on Sandy’s desk. Remember? The one that was a direct result of Seth’s dalliance with drugs? Yeah, that one. Sandy asks Theresa to go to the prom, and despite her single mom status, she’s ready to go!
Anna comes to town in the middle of the school year to help Seth win Summer back, and manages to finagle a date to the prom to help out. Marissa asks Volchok to go with her, even though he doesn’t want to. But he goes, and boozes it up and steals some wad o’cash from Taylor T. Later, outside the prom, Marissa catches him making out with some other woman. She slaps him. But he snaps back that just because he’s wearing a tux and is at the prom, he’s no Ryan “bitch boy” Atwood. Marissa storms away.
At the prom, Summer is named Prom Queen. Summer has been drinking heavily at this point in the evening, and during her speech, and in the best scene EVER this season, takes a header off the prom-themed pirate ship into the gasping crowd. Later, Seth FINALLY comes clean about not getting into Brown, and breaking up with her because he was embarrassed, and…oh who cares. Summer thinks it was the “dumbest plan ever.” And all of America agrees with her. Anna, her plot device activated, leaves town. See you all in Providence! (Remember, Seth is going to RISD). But worse yet, Summer remembers the napkin confessional and is immediately sorry
In adult-land, Sandy is still in his downward shady businessman spiral, Kirsten may drink again, and Dr. Neil and Julie are together.
Oh, at the end, Taylor finds out that her money is missing (five grand! For the prom party!) and Ryan knows it was Volchok. He goes after him, and somehow fists start flying, and by the end Volchok is dead! Or is he?

The Man Of the Year (episode 24)
No, Volchok isn’t dead. But he does manage to blackmail Ryan into being his lookout for a Newport crime spree. He becomes all secretive with Theresa until she figures out that Ryan is always going to be letting his fists do the talking and decides she doesn’t want to get back together with him. I understand Ryan acts immature, but he is only 18. Though he looks easily 35, but I digress. Volchok steals a car, and tries to get Ryan to come with him while the cop sirens wail in the background. Wait, isn’t that how it all got started with Trey? Ah, season 1. But this time, Ryan has the foresight to run away. He manages to get Marissa to cover for him.

Kaitlin calls from prep school to ask Marissa to intercept a school letter before Julie gets ahold of it. But after reading it, Marissa goes to Kaitlin’s prep school to ask her about it. She ends up staying at school for a while, and helps Kaitlin out of jam, which includes the words “lipstick party” and “lacrosstitutes.” I’m so old I don’t know what either of those things are. Though it was amusing to watch Marissa hitting on a teenage boy in a lacrosse skirt and being skanky…big stretch these days.

Sandy becomes a magazine’s “Man Of The Year” which boils down to being rewarded for his backstabbing ways and running the Newport Group like Kirsten’s old man. Kirsten is off the wagon. Summer sneaks around the Cohen house to try and get the napkin-confession back, but inadvertently points it out to Sandy, then proceeds to spill the beans about Seth not getting into Brown. Sandy had no idea. Apparently Seth lied to everyone! Go figure! Sandy tries to talk to him about it, but Seth has a trump card: he lets Sandy know Kirsten is drinking again. A lot. Sandy promises to do better, and actually makes amends—he talks with the district attorney and makes a deal, and smoothes things over with Kirsten. All seems to be well, until they find out a fire was set at the Newport Group—by none other than Seth! Yeah, Sandy sent him to the Newport Group to pick up some plans, and Seth smoked a doobie while he was there. But he forgot to put out the roach, it caught a basket of paper on fire—and there’s your arson, boys and girls. At the MOY awards ceremony, Ryan thinks he’s going to get arrested, but instead, Seth is hauled away in handcuffs.


The Graduates (episode 25--season finale!)
Of course, Seth got off somehow, and isn’t going to jail for burning down part of the Newport Group. But this equation probably was why: Lawyer Dad +rich+ white=not guilty!

The gang graduates from Harbor. Marissa’s dad wants her to go to Greece and sail around the world with him. And she wants to go, seeing as how college doesn’t really agree with her. Ryan’s mom comes to town and she gives him a restored SUV for a present! I thought that was really cool of his mom. And Ryan looked genuinely happy to get it. Meanwhile, Volchok threatens to tell the cops Ryan was involved in the car being stolen if he doesn’t get cash to skip town. Kaitlin komes back to town, and she intends to stay in Marissa’s room and “rule Harbor.” To get the cash for Volchok, Marissa pawns her graduation gift…a pearl necklace from her mom (ewww!) and delivers it to him. They fight a bit, and all of the sudden Volchok is obsessed with her! Must every man be obsessed with her? Argh!

So Marissa decides to go with Jimmy to Greece. And so the gang says goodbye to Marissa in the best possible fashion—at the Model Home! Those were the days: Ryan hiding from the cops, the fire hazardous candles, the mix CD, the fight with Luke…I could go on and on. The gang has a party and lots of nice photo ops. But then Ryan has to take Marissa to the airport in his new wheels.
Sandy goes to the DA’s office to drop off some paperwork (he made a deal to get off the hook for the whole corrupt Griffin and Newport thing) and sees the overworked and undoubtedly underpaid public defender with a sheaf of papers on his desk and immediately gets misty eyed.
They’re driving away, when none other than Volchok pulls up and tries to run Ryan off the road! Ryan tries to get away, but despite the room on either side of the road, he stays in his lane. Suddenly there’s plenty of room as Volchok rams Ryan’s new ride so hard it flies off the road, over the hill, and rolls around a couple of times before stopping. After it sits for a few minutes, Ryan drags himself out of the car, and then remembers MARISSA is still in the car. He does pull her out of there before doing the dreaded “Ryan carrying limp Marissa in his arms” promenade. This time, she’s dead, folks. Of course she has a great death scene every actor dreams of: the strained speaking, the staggered swallowing, and the eyes closing for good. My favorite part: the ex-boyfriend standing over the corpse of the biggest drain to his life force since…well, ever. And Season 3 comes to a close.

MARISSA IS DEAD! No Marissa next year, the gang is going their separate ways, Kaitlin is back in Newport, Julie is getting married to Summer’s dad, a whole new Newport is coming!

The OC: The College Try (episode 22)

Believe it or not, the episodes have been improving lately by leaps and bounds. Still, the adults need to have better plotlines. But I can't complain with having Taylor and Sadie in the show, it pushes Marissa to the background where she needs to be. But, on to the show.

Ryan and Seth are going to their respective college admitted students' weekends. Well, Ryan is anyway. Remember, Seth didn't get into Brown. But he's concocted this scheme to go there and try and weasel his way in anyway. He's not even worried about being seen by Summer because "Brown is filled with pasty-faced Jewish kids, I'll fit right in." So Ryan packs his "two hoodies and wife beater" and Seth packs his own baggage of "not getting into Brown." Kirsten drops the boys off at the airport. But as she's leaving, Kirsten spots Theresa at the terminal. She starts to say hello when she sees Theresa holding a baby that looks MIRACULOUSLY the same age as the baby she would have had if she didn't miscarry it last season. Maybe it's Ryan's love child!

The boys are at the pier. Seth wants to ask Summer to the prom, but yeah, they broke up. Seth is going to trick her into meeting by telling her he's the admissions counselor at Brown. Seth suggests Ryan take Theresa to the prom. Ryan thanks Seth for not mentioning he take Marissa. Seth says, "I figured she'd be taking the surf nazi." Unless he's of course selling crack to blind kids. Seth and Ryan suddenly spot Volchok, making out with some skank whose not Marissa. "Maybe it's his cousin. His really dirty cousin."



At pre-freshman orientation, Ryan is getting along pretty well with his 40 year old "freshman buddy" and even whispers "I came from Chino." to his surprise, nobody beats him up! "There's no mold here," says the freshman buddy.


Summer and Marissa pack their bags too for the college weekend. Summer is deciding that sparkly scarves are not what people wear to Brown, which leads to another conversation about M. breaking up with Volchok. Summer is afraid she's going to have make up sex on his dirty mattress, but Marissa is stronger than that...we hope. Meanwhile, Julie and Neil plan to go to some hospital event and invite Sandy and Kirsten along. When Marissa meets Volchok, he won't give her stuff back, but during this breakup scene, she goes on and on about "The Sound Of Music" and how much she loves that movie and blah blah blah. I wouldn't mention this, except it's a plot point later.

Kirsten immediately tells Sandy about Theresa, and thinks they should call Ryan and tell him. Sandy wants to give him the weekend at college, then tell him when he gets back. I'll have to agree with Sandy on this one. Ryan's life is always in disarray, I don't think it would hurt to have one nice carefree college weekend before getting punched in the gut by reality.

Ryan is enjoying his weekend at Berkeley, and it turns out that (gasp) nobody cares that he's from Chino! And there's actually real live black and latino students there too. Seth made it to Brown and is trying to work out a plan, when who should appear but Anna! From season 1, she was Seth's friend and later love trianglee for a while before she went to Pittsburgh or something. Wherever characters go on this show and never come back. He spills the whole story to her, and she is on board to help him get into Brown.

Berkeley dining hall. Ryan is hanging out with his freshman buddy and other assorted minorities when Marissa comes over. Frosh buddy immediately is hot for her. Ryan can barely stop from rolling his eyes and tells him "We used to date, but you should go for it."

Anna's big plan to get Seth into Brown is talk to the Dean of Admissions at a big prefrosh party. Unfortunately, he's a babbling idiot, but manages to get a meeting with him the next day. Summer spots Seth, and immediately jumps to the conclusion that Seth wanted to go to Brown--just not with her. Especially when Anna comes up and asks, "How did it go?" Summer storms away (summer storms...i just got that...ha!)

Ryan calls the Sandy to report on how he's having a blast at Berkeley. But because Sandy is being evil right now he doesn't care about Ryan at his alma mater, and hands the phone to Kirsten. Ryan gushes about the school, which prompts Kirsten to burst his happy bubble by telling him about Theresa and his possible baby. Thanks, Debbie downer!

Seth meets with DOA, who up until now didn't know Seth didn't get into Brown. But Seth has exactly one minute to convince him why he should get into Brown. His highlights: kick-ass SAT scores, extracurriculars including the chess club and comic club, and his super-wealthy paretns. Apparently Brown has their fill of kids just like Seth, and denies him entry into Brown. Seth does the only thing he hasn't tried: appeal to DOA's sense of romanticism ("I want to go because my girlfriend is going here!"). Unfortunately, since this is not an episode of "Felicity" the Dean says, "Solve your own romantic problems." So time to make some alternate plans, Seth.

Ryan can't stay in Berkeley after hearing the news, and finds Theresa (thanks to Kirsten and google). Theresa is not there, but the nanny is, and so is the baby. It could be Ryan's, I guess.

Sandy and Kirsten are invited to a doctor retirement function, which Sandy is all over and Kirsten is fuming about. Sandy is totally working the room and even gives a speech at this old man's party, though he just met him. Kirsten gives her own speech, which includes barbs like "Sandy has told me how many times this project is important to him," and "I married a man just like my father." Kirsten slips out and downs a whole glass of white wine in one gulp. And so the slippery slide begins.

Marissa comes back to the OC much later than Ryan, but does go to the pool house to chat. Marissa talks about how she doesn't picture herself in college anymore.

Seth leaves Rhode Island dejected...until Anna comes to pick him up and take him to RISD (Rhode Island School of Dee-sign). Seth can apply there! She has an Atomic County comic book to use as his portfolio. Things go well at RISD. At the airport, Anna hugs him goodbye just as Summer walks by. She will DEFINITELY not be listening to any apologies now.

Theresa drops by the pool house. It turns out Ryan isn't the father of her baby and has a paternity test to prove it. Ryan is offically off the hook, though he and Theresa still obviously like each other. Maybe they'll get back together. After all, Ryan's been single for maybe three weeks.

The OC: The Dawn Patrol (episode 21)

Now this post is a bit different, since my DVR broke while it was trying to record this episode. So I didn't actually see much of this episode, probably about the last 10 minutes. So I had to look at a couple of recaps online and ask some friends what happened.

Seth and Ryan get tickets to graduation for parents to go. But Ryan doesn't have anyone to invite! Kirsten suggets he go to Albuquerque and invite his mom. So he flies down to see her. She's working in a shady diner, with an equally shady biker boyfriend. Ryan remembers his past, and doesn't want to repeat it. But turns out the guy is a keeper, and Dawn (his mom) is really trying to get her life back together. Ryan ends up giving her the two tix to graduation. Ryan also hooks up with some Albuquerque trash named Chloe.

Seth and Summer remain broken up. She tries to get him back with Taylor's help, but it's a no go. Summer even tries to proclaim her love to Seth on top of a latte cart (like he did to her back when the show was halfway decent). Summer pulls an ultimatum: if he can admit he doesn't love her anymore, she'll go to Brown alone, and be miserable. Apparently, jackass Seth says, "I don't love you anymore." Because Seth continues to not tell Summer he didn't get into Brown! What a freakin' idiot.

Sandy pays Matt a severance package to give up the incriminating evidence that the Doc Griffin is getting kickbacks from (oh who the hell cares?) somebody. Sandy continues to fight with Kirsten, who is having a hard time staying away from wine. She almost has a drink tonight, but she manages to pour it all down the sink. I'm honestly surprised that they even have wine in the house, what with a recovering alcoholic in the house and all the dramatic events that happen there. It's a sure cause for alarm.

Marissa continues with Volchok. Julie tries to intervene, but it doesn't make Marissa give him up. One night when Marissa is partying with Volchok, his creepy friends try to roofy and date rape an old enemy of hers from infamous Newport Union High. Marissa saves the day, and ends up back at her mom's, crying in her arms.

The OC: The Day After Tomorrow (episode 20)

I'll admit, I've been slacking with the recaps. This show was on a few weeks ago, but this is what I can remember.

Ryan and Sadie are still hot and heavy, but Ryan is having visions of college, and Sadie has been kind of avoiding the bigger questions: what are they gonna do next year?

Marissa continues in her downward spiral with doing of the coke and screwing of the Volchok. She's shirking her school responsibilities (not providing food to the college acceptance sweatshirt bonfire, waking up Julie and Doctor Neil when Volchok's hog drops her off at the mansion in the morning...y'know, standard stuff)

The acceptance letters all come at the same time...woo hoo! In a fun filled montage, Ryan gets accepted to Berkeley, Marissa does too, as does Seth (who applied just 'cause his dad made him) and Summer gets into Brown! Ryan--smiles (for once), Summer--squeals, Marissa--looks cheerful, then frowns, THEN tosses her letter in the trash. But the most shocking is Seth who DOES NOT GET INTO BROWN!!! NNNOOOOOO!!!! Everyone (except Marissa) convenes later. Summer gives Seth the good news and Seth, for reasons I cannot explain, lies to Summer and says he got into Brown too. This can't end well.

Seth immediately gets on the phone and tries to plead that he wants to get in because...wait for it, people...His girlfriend got in! After the admissions people stopped laughing at him, I'm sure they hung up.

Julie finds Marissa's letter in the trash, and they have a talk. She doesn't want Marissa to give up on herself, which means kicking Volchok to the curb. Marissa won't listen, and storms out. Again.

Sadie and Ryan try to work things out. Sadie and Ryan plan to get a place together at Berkeley, the plans don't go over well with The Cohens. Sadie thinks maybe it's a bad idea, but Ryan feels "like I'm myself" with Sadie. But after the plans become somewhat real (Sadie finds a place for them in Berkeley), Ryan thinks he should be exploring college by himself, and experiencing things without a townie girlfriend.

Seth finally comes clean that he didn't get into Brown...to RYAN. Ryan tells him to come clean with Summer about it, but he doesn't want her to give up going to such a great school because of his inability to get in. Maybe it's a good thing?

They all go to the sweatshirt bonfire. Even Marissa comes to her senses and goes. It's all very awkward, Marissa doesn't think she fits in anymore with this pro-college crowd, Seth didn't get into Brown, Summer and Seth are fighting, and Ryan broke up with Sadie.

At the end of the episode, Seth tells Summer that Brown suddenly "isn't the right school for him" but Summer should go without him. I think they just broke up, folks!

*As an aside, I think the writers are incredibly lazy if this whole "Seth not getting into Brown then lying about it" is very believeable. That's all Seth has talked about all season! It's a cheap way to create conflict. If the writers were smart, they would have had Seth get into Brown, and Summer getting denied. Then he would have had to realize he loved Summer and couldn't be without her, so he would go to Berkeley, or something. Because his childhood dreams and priorites have changed! He's growing up! At least it would have been more logical. But believeability isn't why I watch this show.

Oh yeah, Sandy is still dealing with the boring subplot with the hospital. Now Doctor Griffin is bribing Sandy with more development work if he keeps quiet about the supposed kickbacks. Kirsten becomes very concerned that Sandy is turning into her father. And rightly so. I think they've messed with his character so much I'm not sure what he's about anymore.

The OC: The Secrets And Lies (episode 19)

Previously: Stephen's been bored by the last 18 episodes and hopes this season only lasts another 4. He can always hope.

We're at the Bait Shop again, and the kids are listening to a rockin' DJ and...hey, I just spotted a black person?!?! Oh wait, he's gone. Now we get to Ryan and his new galpal, Sadie. They're hanging out with Seth and Summer. Marissa is nowhere to be found. Until Seth and Summer see her macking with Volchok! Ew!

Back at the trailer, the next day. Summer wants to confront Marissa about what happened last night. But the talk is interrupted when the girls get independent calls from each of their parents at the same time, saying they want to have dinner tonight. I'm betting someone's engaged! Summer tries to take her to school so they can talk, but Marissa tells her to leave. She walks into the other room where her awesome new boyfriend is taking a hit off a bong. He kisses her, and Marissa immediately starts coughing up second hand pot smoke. Nice.

More boring stuff ensues at the Newport Group. Matt is off the hospital project. But Matt confronts Sandy, saying Doctor Griffin has been taking kickbacks and Sandy has NO RIGHT to take Matt off the project because morally Matt is a bad person. Sandy's do-gooder radar goes up and wants to hear more. But Matt ends up getting beat up and his apartment trashed. Maybe Matt is telling the truth. It'll be a tough road for me. I refuse to believe hospital developers are shady.

Dr. Neil and Julie come back from the cruise. En-gaged! They celebrate by breaking out some champagne for all. First of all: The girls are minors (I know, nitpicky) but second: Marissa has a drinking problem! Or not such a problem when she downs a full glass of champagne. Julie is all shocked, even moreso when Marissa gets a call from Volchok and runs out the door.

Summer is really worried now that Marissa is become a "full-on" skank and orders Seth to have Ryan help. But he's all drunk off of Sadie's love, and says "Not my girlfriend, not my problem." So Summer confronts Marissa outside of school where she's laying across the hood of a car drinking from that famous flask. After some snappy dialogue that includes a "Veronica Mars" reference, Marissa storms away.

Julie moves into Dr. Neil's palatial mansion. Once she's installed, she does a victory dance. In walks one of the maids with a disapproving look on her face. Julie starts speaking to her in broken Spanish, but the maid keeps her stony face. "I'm from the Phillippines." Oops! Way to make friends with the help, Julie.

Sadie and Ryan are having another date at the Crab Shack. It's nice, until he overhears some of Volchok's friends dissing Marissa. He can't let that go. He storms over and demands a sit-down with Volchok. I think Ryan still has that broken bottle from the last fight with Volchok.

Volchok. The Beach. Ryan. He wants Volchok to take care of Marissa because "she deserves it." That means no letting her show up to school drunk. Volchok makes fun of Ryan, but he's still scared he's going to get his ass kicked. Ryan goes to the house that Sadie's fixing up to sell, but there's a guy named Bob there, who is moderately attractive...which means Sadie could be doin' it with this guy. Turns out Bob is buying the house and Sadie is moving on. She has the foresight to realize that she and Ryan have no future, plus he's still trying to fix Marissa's life.

Marissa continues to whine, but Volchok says he needs to take care of Marissa because she deserves it. Marissa doesn't get it, and neither does the audience. Marissa is dating this guy because she hates herself!

In yet another subplot, Kirsten and Seth are having a nice evening together. Kirsten takes Seth to AA to show them all the reason she got sober. Awwww!

Ryan returns to the house to beg Sadie to stay. But she's already left for Oregon, according to Bob. Let me tell you I watched this episode at a friend of mine's house and Bob is an old friend of hers. And she and I were very impressed by the nuances of his acting. Nobody can sell a line like "She's in Oregon, dude" like Bob. And in more plot contrivances, Ryan meets Marissa and tells her the whole sad story before returning to the pool house.

Sadie is at a bus station, ready to leave town for parts unknown. Somehow Marissa appears (mental telepathy must have alerted her of Sadie's exact departure time and place) to convince her to stay because "you make Ryan happy. You should stay." She races back to her place and she makes up with Ryan.

After Marissa doesn't show up for dinner with Dr. Neil and Summer, Dr. Neil tells Julie that their engagement is a "trial run" and if things don't work out between their families, he'll end the engagement. Julie looks worried, and oddly, so does Summer.

Later at the beach, Marissa finds Volchok. He offers her some coke which she snorts. And Marissa's slide continues.

The OC: The Undertow (episode 18)

Last week: The breakup between Marissa and Ryan is still on, with Ryan and Marissa with new people: Sadie (dead Johnny's cousin), and Volchok (dead Johnny's archnemesis in surfing). Johnny's death really brought people together!

Sadie is fitting right in with Ryan and friends, from bringing junk food when they hang out, to kicking Seth's ass in Playstation 2. Seth questions Ryan as in "why haven't they made things official?" Not marriage, but announcing coupledom. Summer is okay with it, too. Realizing Marissa is still pretty dramatic, a nice, regular girl is a good change for Ryan.

Of course there's the obligatory knock at the door, and wouldn't you know it? It's Jess! We all remember Jess. She's the Harbor student from season 2 that OD'd on ecstacy, got Trey arrested, ended up brokering a drug deal, pulling a gun on her drug partners, and setting up the circumstances of Marissa getting a hold of a loaded gun and shooting Trey. Right, THAT Jess. She does look slightly less ho-ey though. She's back in town trying to start over, and she brought Ryan a gift from his brother Trey. A small matchbox car camaro.

In other news, Seth does better on his makeup interview with Brown. Summer mentions to Taylor that they are going to have a quiet evening at home, which Taylor thinks (wink wink!) they're gonna have lots of s-e-x. But it turns out they'll eat t-h-a-i and watch a-n-i-m-e. Romantic!

Marissa is still being semi-stalked by Volchok, and for some contrived reason, goes to Matt's house to hang out because she's "lonely." In other Matt news, the hospital board rep (Maya's dad) wants Matt off the project because they think he's slimy. Sandy has two days to decide: the project or Matt?

Ryan tracks down Jess to ask more questions about what Trey is up to. Apparently, she lived in Las Vegas with Trey and he's dealing...blackjack. Whew! I thought he was dealing...with his problems. Jess tells Ryan to stop by later to hear more stories about Trey.

Bait shop. Summer becomes more worried about hers and Seth's lack of passion. Will it be the same when they get to Brown? What are they going to do? Marissa seems to only care about staring at Volchok from across the room.

Later that day, Ryan gets a call from Jess...she's in danger! Ryan needs a signal in the sky when it comes to trying to rescue a woman in distress. He comes a-runnin, no matter who it is. He hotfoots it over to her house and throws out Jess' current no-good boyfriend. On his way out, he notices Jess still has a picture of his brother in her purse. Awww. So he spends the night to protect her. Only in the A.M. she starts coming on to him. At least Ryan has the sense to rebuff her, with prejudice.

Unfortunately, Sadie drops by the pool house that morning, bringing bagels and Ryan is nowhere to be found. Kirsten is just as surprised as Sadie that Ryan isn't at home. Awkward silences abound. She is jealous of Jess, I guess. Luckily, Seth explains that Ryan is used to helping out/dating freakish, needy girls (way to sell it, Cohen) and she's just another stop on the Ryan white knight express. The only other girl he dated that had no drama ended up being Kirsten's half sister and then had to leave town. I can't say I blame Sadie when she says she doesn't think Ryan is the boy for her.

Summer lets it slip about the lack of romance in hers and Cohen's relationship. Horrified Taylor thinks they are on the rocks, and spends the rest of the episode trying to solve their issues so they'll get the spring back in their step. They eventually do, but only because they start arguing again and Summer tries to slap Seth, only to have him block the slap. Attempted violence is a turn on to some people.

Matt gets in predictable trouble when Sandy stops by Matt's apt. and Marissa opens the door in a oversized shirt, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Matt is away that weekend, but it does mean that Sandy may have to listen to the hospital board and kick Matt off the project.

Sadie and Ryan get together again, after the crisis with Jess passes. Until his phone rings and it's Jess' friends from Newport calling. Jess' whackjob boyfriend is on the warpath and she has locked herself in a bedroom and won't come out. She's begging for Ryan's help. Ryan snaps the phone shut and tells Sadie "I have to go." Sadie looks on with obvious disgust, but tells him to "do what he has to do." At the party, there's a predictable fight with the psycho boyfriend. But when the b'friend says "It's none of your business" he actually says "you're right!" and gets up to leave. Jess is grateful. So grateful she tries to come on to Ryan. But the "new" Ryan snaps, "you have to stop dating guys like him and Trey, and I have to stop dating girls like you and Marissa." You mean bad actresses? A-men!

At home, Ryan feels bad because he's definitely ruined things between him and Sadie. Kirsten stops by and says, "It's never too late." Ryan perks up and drives over to Sadie's house. He finally explains what the toy camaro Trey gave him means: a promise to get Ryan one when they grew up and they'd ride it out of Chino and someplace else. Then when they were old enough, Trey stole a camaro, which stuck Trey in jail and Ryan with the Cohens. Flash forward: better life! Sadie eats up this story with a spoon, and they go at it like crazed weasels. Never mind they don't address Ryan's issues with helping girls who are obviously distressed, or that he'll drop her if Marissa gets a hangnail and needs Ryan to cut it. That story is way better than that amnesia kiss Clark Kent gave Lois Lane to make her forget he's Superman in "Superman II."

By the way, Volchok and Marissa hook up.

The OC: The Road Warrior (episode 16)

The show opens with Summer in her room with a voice over going about her life. Marissa comes in and asks what she's doing. So the voice over isn't happening for the audience only! Summer says she wanted her life to sound more exciting, like on her favorite show "The Valley" so she went to the trouble of recording herself about things she was going to do and play a commentary when she actually did those things. Yeah, I would have done EXACTLY the same thing in high school because I had that much free time.

Summer and Marissa sit in a hot tub with Seth. They are waiting for Ryan to show up. But they decide to have a little fun with Seth by trying to instigate a threesome. When the girls start touching and rubbing Seth, he gets out of the tub to call Ryan. So much added estrogen can really get to a guy. Unless he and Ryan really DO have something goin' on the side. Ryan doesn't answer his phone, because he's helping Johnny's cousin Sadie fix up J's mom's house. The mom is in Oregon. The police come to the house, looking for Johnny's mom and Marissa. Apparently, Johnny's mom had an insurance policy on his life, and suddenly Johnny's death isn't looking so accidental.

Summer is worried that her dad is working way too much after divorcing his wife (she doesn't know Dr. Neil isn't around so much because he's doin' the Coop). After talking to Taylor, Summer goes to NewMatch partner Julie Cooper for help, she decides that she needs to pick out her dad's next girlfriend, lest he end up with a "money-grubbing slut bag in the back of his Maserati" like...well...Julie. So Summer gives Julie the dish on what Dr. Neil goes after in a woman, complete with a fantasy of Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct." It would have been much more in-jokey if he had a thing for Jennifer Beals in "Flashdance." I'm still hoping that Ms. Beals shows up to play Summer's mom.

Some stuff happens with Matt and Maya, the daughter of the hospital magnate. Sandy suddenly wants Matt to use his relationship with Maya to get dad on board to build a hospital. Matt is having second thoughts, since he's really starting to dig her.

Since the death benefits for Johnny are held up, Sadie decides to find Johnny's dad to get him to pay back child support. Which means--road trip! Wooo! Of course Ryan smells "girl in trouble" and volunteers to go along. They track dear old dad to Indio (which is very depressing, I've been there before). Because it's so late when they get there, Sadie and Ryan share a cheap motel room and bond over poker. He's having so much fun he conveniently ignores a cell phone call from Marissa.

Julie sets up the Sharon Stone fantasy for Dr. Neil at a highbrow restaurant in Newport, where Taylor Townsend happens to be picking up some takeout and sees the whole thing. She hotfoots it over to Seth and Summer, where Summer refuses to believe it without hard proof. Taylor is all over it. "They're going golfing next."

Marissa is being investigated by the police. Sandy drops everything to help out. They question her, and confront her with the letter she wrote Johnny that said she didn't love him. You know, the one Johnny threw in the fire and burned up. Well, it didn't burn more than it was "tastefully singed." Somehow the investigation is dropped, but it doesn't mean she can't feel sorry for herself! Marissa goes to the spot where Johnny dies, and Volchok magically appears with a flask and some lame story about he and Johnny being friends before becoming surfing enemies.

Indio. Sadie and Ryan find the wildly successful Jack Harper and his bail bond office. Of course, he is incredibly receptive to giving his ex-wife some money. By that I mean not at all. Sadie doesn't take this well and starts smashing up Jack's truck with a conveniently located metal bar. Jack tries to stop her, Ryan tries to stop him from stopping her, the bail bondsmen stop him from stopping him stopping her (yeah...) by beating the crap out of Ryan while Sadie wails "stop it!" Welcome to Indio, bitch!

The trio of Seth, Summer, and Taylor witness Julie and Dr. Neil getting down on the driving range (nudge nudge). Summer is horrified, vowing to come up with a plan to drive them apart.

Ryan is actually ok despite being beat up by four grown men, so much that after getting patched up he steals Sadie's car and goes back to the bail bonds place and has a heart to heart with Jack Harper. He plays the Chino broken home card, stating that leaving your family without money (like his dad did), they will have no chance in life. Though Johnny is dead, Jack should try to make things right with his ex-wife because its the right thing to do. Jack keeps his macho pride and throws Ryan out, but with an envelope full of cash. Softy. Sadie miraculously pulls up just then in a cab. I'm sure with the money it took to hire a cab in Indio and drive to some random-ass bail bonds place, that cash Jack gave them should about cover it.

Sandy continues to goad Matt into using Maya to slip the hospital proposal to her dad. At a fancy dinner with Kirsten and Sandy, Sandy makes a strong pitch to Maya, practically begging her to show her dad the proposal. She connects the dots and asks Matt if he thinks this is a good idea. He says yes, and Maya excuses herself from the table...but after she agrees to show her dad the proposal. Kirsten gives Sandy the stink eye. Later, Sandy finds out Maya's pop loved the proposal. Maya, however, has decided to move to New York and won't be seeing Matt anymore. Kirsten is pissed that Sandy forced Matt to sandbag his relationship with Maya and is now offically "worried" about him.

Marissa sits alone at the Bait Shop when Ryan calls. As a sad indie song plays in the background, they have a terse conversation. Ryan and Marissa decide they have been so disconnected lately, they just need to break up. Finally! Just then, Sadie walks into the room with a deck of cards. Ooo, I feel some sexy results coming on!